Chapter 10: Sharing grief with friends and family

When a person is murdered the mother and father are not the only people who suffer.  You have Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nephews, Nieces, Brothers and many who follow the family tree.

When a violent crime takes a loved one there are many stages you go through: Denial, Rage, Self-blame, Anger with God, Frustration, Hate and even wanting to Kill the people involved and much more. There is one question most asked, WHY?  People will say not to ask why, just accept it, but there are many that can’t accept.  I am one of those mothers that can’t accept because of the rage within me. The thing that bothers me the most is that my son’s friends hold the secret of what happened that terrible night.

Everybody has their own way of grieving.  I found we went through many different stages.  My family would like to share their grief in hoping this will help others understand their feelings.

Normie’s Father is a very quiet man and he talked very little about our son. This is what he shared with me:

The first two months I didn’t go to work. I tried to get all of my feelings under control.  We fought all of the time about what happened. I blamed Kathy for his death because she let our son hang with those friends. She blamed me for not paying attention to Normie’s needs. There was nothing I did right.

I did not want Kathy to go to any support groups. I felt that we needed to work our feeling out together not with strangers.  So Kathy screamed and told me she needed someone to talk with besides me. I told her it is going on six years, and she should move on with our lives and worry about Richie. I wanted our life to go back to the way it was. She told me “I can’t do that, things will never be the same again”.

I feared that this will happen again.  When our twenty-one year old son goes out, I fear that he won’t be coming back. I deal with my pain very quietly.  It took me five years to go to the cemetery. I hide my pain inside.  The only thing I regrets is that when this happened that we did not donate Normie’s organs to help others.  People don’t think or function rationally when things like this happen.

Words from Normie’s Mother:

You know my story.  I have the same fears as my husband.  Richie is twenty one years old and there is no way you can keep him in.  My son carries two jobs that kept him busy during the week. The weekends are different.  I don’t sleep until he comes home.  I know he is sensible, but you never know what can happen when they walk out the door.  My life will never be the same. This person, who killed, took away everything I looked forward too.  Marriage, grandchildren and to see Normie’s smiling face again.

The holidays are the worst because Normie loved them.  I try to keep very busy.  That is the key to not falling apart.  Time has made my loss grow deeper.  Your whole life changes, you feel so alone at times.  Your marriage might fall apart.  Your family will go through many ups and downs.  My husband and I fight more than usual.  I still have a lot of anger I have to work through.  Many people say time will heal.  In my case, I fell time has only put a different perspective on life.  As time passes my anger intensifies.

Our family very rarely talks about Normie.  Maybe they think it might hurt me.  So I asked them if they would like to help me with this book and share their feelings.

Words from Normie’s Brother, Richie:

When this happened to our family I was a freshman at Saint Laurence High School.  I didn’t go to school for about two weeks.  It was hard to adjust with everything that happened. The teachers from school helped me cope with my feelings.  I miss my brother very much.  I spent a lot of time with my friends and I kept very busy.  I think this was an accident.  Norm’s friends are afraid to talk and come forward, because of the implication and retaliation of other people.

Words from Normie’s Maternal Grandparent:

On March 25, 1990 a frantic phone call awakened us.  It was a call from our daughter informing us that our second grandson had been shot.  Disbelief, impossible, fear and just about everything you could imagine goes through you mind.  Then the reality comes when you see your handsome eighteen year old grandson in a hospital bed hooked up to life support.  Medical information related to us saying there is brain damage.  There is absolutely no possibility that he can be helped.  What a horrible situation, either life as a vegetable or just wait for death.

While this is going on representatives for organ donation are also there.  I think organ donation is fine, but it should be determined beforehand.  It is very disheartening to see you child walking around in a trance.  There is absolutely nothing you can do or say to help your child.  Each person handles their grief differently.  Then there also are cousins who are disillusioned with life wondering, WHY? HOW? Or what should they do? Now that death has come to one of them and not to an older person of the family.

Death is understood when it comes after an illness or as a person ages.  A sudden senseless and unexplained death becomes the focus of everyone in the family.  Especially when the perpetrator is not caught and the family members have no closure.  Every party or celebration always brings thoughts and constant talk that the guilty party is walking around and we don’t have our grandson. We are missing out on many things such as his wedding, children and most of all his presence.

How has his death affected his only brother? Will my daughter ever become a grandmother?  All these questions are there.  My daughter’s life has become a constant fight to catch the guilty party. I don’t think her life could ever be the same after this traumatic event in her life.  The only thing that would help our family would be for the guilty person to be found.  Then maybe a little peace of mind would come about.

Words from Normie’s Grandparent:

The reality is that Normie’s gone. But there are no clear thoughts or feelings. “WHY?”  This is the question that is clear and something that will never be answered and always there.  We are the grandparents of Norman Toppel.  He was named after his father who was named after his father. When we were told of the shooting we were in disbelief.  Things like that happen to other families, not ours.  Then little things come to mind, a cute baby, a little boy that if you asked, “How are you Normie?”  He would answer, “I’m bored” if asked that same question later Normie would say, “I’m better.”

He was a handsome teenager who loved his car.  Had pride in taking care of his car.  All these things cross your mind and then the “WHY?” is the haunting word.  His grandfather will only discuss it to a point.  Then say, “Case closed”, which is his way of saying I don’t want to talk about Normie anymore because it hurts to much.  I his grandmother have thoughts and maybe I am wrong.  I feel God has taken him now and he is safe from all the hate and violence in the world.  Really there are no words that can be said of how you feel except the everlasting why?

Words from Normie’s Paternal Grandparent:

One day March 24, 1990 my husband and I had just gone to bed and our phone rang. It was between 11 and 11:30 PM. As I answered, I heard my younger son Ron tells me Normie had been shot and it was serious. Normie was in Mt Sinai Hospital fighting for his life. Our family had many differences we had not been close for sometime.

I hadn’t had much contact with my grandson since he was around 2 or 3 years old. I had baby sat with him and took him out in my car several times and we went to different places. I was proud of him; he was a beautiful blond hair boy. I like to show him off to all my friends. The relationship didn’t last long thing happened and we stopped talking. His parents had different ideas about him and me. I really didn’t see Normie again until my youngest son wedding in 1980. I spoke to him at the reception and he thought he remembered me. This made me feel good that he didn’t forget me.  Then time lapsed and I didn’t see him again until he was in High school. It was brief while I was getting my hair done by his mother (my daughter-in-law) before he left for school. We always talked a little and then she would drive him to school.

Our next visit was Mt Sinai Hospital. We had gone to see him and it was terrible to see Normie with all those bandages on his head and hook up to all them machines. I held his hand and kissed him and told him Gram’s here and let’s prove everyone wrong and pull out of this predicament. As I held his hand it seemed like he squeezed my hand but the nurse said no it was just nerve reflexes. I was dazes and weak from the shock of it all and we had to leave. After our brief visit it was hard but we had to leave.

My next time to see him was his finial resting bed (his coffin) at his funeral. I will always remember him and we visit often at the cemetery. He will always be in my heart and I’ll love him forever. This is my feeling as his Grandmother who didn’t have enough time to spend with him and enjoy life. We will meet again some day I’m sure.  Love Gram.

Words from Normie’s Cousin, Eric:

My name is Eric, I’m seven years old.  I only remember very little about my cousin.  What I do remember is the time I was playing in my driveway and I looked up and saw my cousin Normie in the tree watching over me.  When I was playing with my remote control car I set it down, and it moved without me touching it.  There are a few toys in my room that I play with and sometimes the toys go off without me playing with them.  I think my cousin Normie sometimes visits me.  That’s the only thing I can remember about my cousin Normie.

Words from Normie’s Cousin, Sherri:

As people grow older the subject every person has to face is death.  My view of death is simple, “I’m scared.” I take too many things for granted in life and keep grudges I’ll probably never get to repair.  The day of March 25, 1990, my view of life changed dramatically.  My family and I received a frightening phone call around 2:00a.m.  My cousin Norman had been shot in the head.  We arrived atMount Sinaihospital in Chicago and walked into his room. We saw him hooked up to life support machines and pronounced brain dead.

So many questions and no answers: so I turned to my mother for comfort and support.  Their was no choice for my aunt on March 27, 1990 at 5:05 p.m. Norman’s heart stopped and he passed away.  We were all devastated, crying and praying he would go to a better place.  Then on March 31, 1990 came his funeral.  Many friends and family came to mourn the young man that was robbed of his future.  The awful part was the burial at Evergreen Park in Chicago.

As I stood watching them put him into the ground my whole life flashed before my eyes.  I started to remember all the memories I shared with Norman.  All the holidays, family gatherings and all the days we spent together as a family.  This was so crushing to my heart because now it is all gone.  The question is WHY?

What really happened that night?  On the day of March 24, 1990 around 8:00 p.m., Norman left the house with one of his friends.  They then proceeded to pick up another friend to cruise around.  As they cruised around Chicago what normal teenagers do they were looking for a gas station.  They pulled up to a red light; three males across the street fired shots from a gun, one of them hit Normanin the head.  Both of his friends then flagged down a bus driver, which then called the police and ambulance.  Around 11:00 p.m.at night the hospital phoned my aunt explaining her son was shot in the head.

As these two boys tell the police what happened there are too many questions unanswered.  They were both caught in too many lies, but still won’t tell the truth.  No one will ever know the truth but Norman himself and the friends that were there.  My view of life has changed my career.  I help people know when their sick and helpless.  I enjoy my job. It has taught me what life is about. It still breaks my heart seeing young people die.

My other set back is not trusting people.  Now I take nothing for granted, life is too short.  As my family and I grow older we learned to accept life and some of the disadvantages that go with it.  Many people don’t pay attention to what they have until it is gone.  They regret what they didn’t do or say when they were around.  As life goes on, Norman’s killer is still out there somewhere. We all have moved on, but I need closure.  This will not happen until the person or persons who are responsible are put behind bars.  LOVE ALWAYS, SHERRI

Words from Normie’s Cousin, Laura:

My name is Laura, my cousin Norman Toppel Jr. passed away on March 27, 1990.  This tragedy affects my whole family life in a dramatic way.  I feel if the person who killed him was found it would put my family at ease.  I know it will never change or bring Normie back, but if the murderer is found they will at least make him suffer like my family has suffered.

Words from Normie’s Cousin, Joey:

My name is Joey, we all miss Normie.  How different my life is because of what happened.  I live my life as here today, gone tomorrow.  I believe I have to do it all now because I never know what will happen to me.  I don’t want to miss anything that goes on in this world. We all loved Normie and I miss him.  My life will never be the same and our lived are empty without him.

Words from Normie’s Aunt, Cindy:

I’m Normie’s Aunt Cindy. The tragedy that struck our family was so hard to except.  Still today I think of a young, smart, vibrant man who was so unnecessarily murdered and it is still not solved.  How could something like this go on, it not only hurts that he is gone, it breaks my heart to see this unsolved. Everyday that goes by I think how someone murdered Normie and got away with it.  They are able to live their lived freely.  Like I say it hurts, a piece of my heart is gone forever.  It affected my whole family and no words can explain how.  The longer it goes unsolved the harder it is to cope with.

Words from Normie’s Second Cousin, Tom:

My life has not changed much since Normie’s untimely death.  All I want is the killer to be caught so Kathy can get on with her life.  I know she’s hurting on the inside.  I think about Normie once in a while and wish he was back with us.  Just wishful thinking though!

Words from Normie’s Cousin, Kathleen:

The hardest part of my cousin’s death for me was the wake.  All I could think of was this was not happening to us.  He was going to wake up and live a normal life.  He was too young to die.  Normie and I were only a few months apart in age.  At the time I couldn’t understand why someone so young was given such a short time on earth.  Now that I’ve lived a little and made mistakes I realize how short life really is.  Everybody needs to live life as if it’s your last, because no one knows when it’s your time to go or not.

Words from Normie’, Aunt, Gayle:

I’m Normie’s Aunt Gayle.  The way my nephew died is so unacceptable.  The horror of that morning will always be with me.  When our phone rang in the middle of the night, I knew is wasn’t good news.  I heard my sister-in-law, say Normie was shot, and it did not look as if he would make it.  I woke my daughter up we dressed and went to my brother’s house.  It was a somber feeling, my sister-in-law Kathy wasn’t giving up hope.  My brother Norm kept repeating, it is not good.  He wasn’t going to make it.  He was not hopeful at all.  I had to see Normie, so Kim and I entered the car and the rest if the family followed.  Oh God, I prayed this can’t be happening.  We walked into the ICU and Normie was just laying there unresponsive, this was a nightmare.  I listened to the ICU nurse talk, she said Normie was shot in the head and it was like a bomb went off in his head and took part of his brain away. His eyes were full blown, which wasn’t a good sign either.  I realized from that moment on he wasn’t going to live through this.

He looked like someone from outer space.  He had tubes coming out of every part of his body.  The nurse reassured us that Normie wasn’t in any pain.  I hugged Normie and told him that I loved him and that I would always love him.  Kim was devastated, there was nothing we could do except be there for each other.  Normie was so tall, his feet hung over the bed.  I rubbed his feet, as we watched his mom talking to him, telling him to come back to her.  I knew in my heart that was not going to happen.  I went to look for the Chaplain. I watched, as the family started to fall apart.  The chaplain came and we all prayed for Normie.  It seemed to help a little.  Normie’s life flashed before my eyes.  He was born on my birthday. I was there while his mom was in labor waiting for him to enter this wonderful world we live in.  Not knowing that eighteen years later, I’d be here waiting for him to die.  A respirator kept him alive, I kept thinking, “How could this be happening?”  How can the person responsible for this live with him or herself? Normie was a good boy, a good friend to all his buddies.  There are so many unanswered questions.  How will his mom, dad and younger brother Rich cope with this?  It was so unbearable, I prayed for them and the rest of the family.  I prayed for strength for all of us.  It seemed like everyone was just existing.  They day went by fast.

I went home with Kim because I had Eric at home who had just turned two years old.  Eric is crazy about his cousin we spent a lot of time with Normie.  It was hard for a little guy to understand what the heck was going on.  I had a very restless night.  Kim and Eric were on my bed and I was getting ready to go to the hospital.  Kim and I were talking about Normie while she was playing with Eric.  All of a sudden the power went out; the lights flickered on and off a couple of times.  I had such a horrible feeling inside when this happened.  Our telephone rang and it was Kathy telling us to hurry.  The hospital has just called her and they said to come as soon as possible.  I think it was the end for Normie.  That was the worst drive I have ever made.  Normie had a bad night and the whole family was there.  The ICU nurse comforted Kathy, Norm and Richie with words that Normie wasn’t in any pain.  His vitals were weakening and it was just a matter of time.  We paced and we all took turns seeing Normie.  ICU couldn’t handle the family volume.  There were too many of us in the room.  They gave Kathy and Norm an option, it was to take Normie off of the respirator and put him in a private room so we could all be with him.  The other choice, was to all leave and get called when necessary.  Norm wouldn’t let them take his son off the respirator so a few of us left and went to Normie’s house.

My other brother’s wife was the only one that hadn’t seen Normie.  When she arrived at the house I just did not want to sit there.  I wanted to be with Normie so I asked Susie if she wanted me to take her to see him.  I had such a will to go back to the hospital. So I went back to the hospital with Susie and Kathy’s sister Cindy.  When we arrived I had a call at the ICU desk, it was Kimmie telling me that they called Aunt Kathy and Uncle Norm to go back to the hospital.  It was just a matter of time.  I ended my conversation on the phone and went into Normie’s room.  Cindy and Susie were crying, Normie’s vitals were almost gone.  I hugged him and held him in my arms!  I asked him to wait for his mom and dad to come. His vitals seemed to get better.  I truly believed he understood, even though there was no physical sign.  Cindy said, “Let him go Gayle, maybe he doesn’t want to die in front of his mom, dad and brother.”  I looked at Normie, I hugged him so tight in my arms and I told him that he could go and that he did not have to wait.  I told him how much we all loved him and we would miss him. Then he died in my arms.  I wanted to die my self I never felt so much pain in my life as I did at that very moment.  Kathy and Norm came in seconds later and he was already gone.  I felt so bad for Kathy, Norm and Richie.  I would have taken the pain away if it was humanly possible.  The next few days were awful.  Linda and I had to go to the morgue and ID Normie because Kathy wasn’t in her right mind.  It was so terrible I could not believe we were living this hell.  Kathy was put on some kind of pills to get her through this nightmare.  It was all so horrid.  How can anyone get away with this?  If he was killed in a car accident or had a terrible disease that would in some way be more acceptable.  This is not the case though.  I can only say that I miss Normie everyday of my life. He will always be remembered in my thoughts and prayers.   TO WHOM EVER SNAPPED HIS LIFE AWAY, I PITY YOU AND HOPE YOU LIVE IN HELL FOREVER!

Words from Normie’s, Cousin, Kim

My name is Kim, when my cousin died I felt lost.  I did not know what to do or how to react.  I never had someone close to me die before.  Normie meant the world to me. He also was like a brother.  I was very upset and distraught that someone took his life away from me, I don’t know if that is being selfish or not.  The pain that I feel I can’t describe, it just hurts so much that the only place I get to see my cousin now is at the cemetery.  I will never forget him; he will always be in my heart and mind.  They’re so many things that I can say about my cousin.  I just don’t know where to start.  So I’ll start from the beginning.

Growing up with my cousins was very interesting.  We were always together, whether it would be at my aunt and uncle’s house.  I would stay the summer or I would just spend the night.  I don’t remember to many things like when we were real little.  The pictures that were taken of us looked like we were happy kids with ugly clothes.  At least it’s something to laugh about now.  When we all got a little older there are certain memories that you just don’t forget.  Times we would sneak out after dark to go swimming in the pool without getting caught.  Times like when Normie used to come pick me up on his bike from camp.  All these memories may sound stupid, but their sacred to me and I will treasure these memories for the rest of my life.  I remember when none of us wanted to go to the pigeon club with my Aunt and Uncle, it was so boring.  Times when Normie would call me “Sooey” on the account of me being a little heavy. He hurt my feelings a lot of those times but I knew he was kidding with me.  The tents we used to make, they were so cool we really never would enjoy them that much because Aunt Kath would destroy them on us.  We never gave up though we just kept on making them.  It wouldn’t have been us if we weren’t getting into trouble with Aunt Kath.

One memory that really sticks out in my head is the time we would pretend to play school.  Richie of course always was stuck on playing the teacher role.  Then we would start a spit ball fight and the ones that Normie always did were the best.  He always made good shots that hit Richie between the eyes or on his nose.  I swear I would laugh so hard that I went in my pants!  Normie would always make you laugh whether it would be jokes or just a story.  Those are just some of the memories and you really can’t appreciate them if you weren’t there.  It always makes me feel good when I am talking about Normie.  There are so many other memories that I can tell but there is not enough ink in the world to write.  We all had our good times as well as the bad.  In my heart and soul when Normie was alive he was the only guy that I could really trust.

Normie was the older brother that I never had that is why I am glad that I got to spend the time that I did with him.  I wish it could have been more, but someone took that away from me and my family and I’ll never forget or forgive.  The night that Normie was shot, I’ll never forget my mom coming into my room and telling me that Normie was shot.  I really didn’t know what to feel or say.  All of these feelings came rushing through and you just don’t know what to do.  I really didn’t believe that this could happen to us.  What did we do? What did my cousin do to deserve something like this?  He was only eighteen years old, no one should have to die that way, and it is not fair.

When we went up to the hospital to see Normie we were under the assumption that he was shot in the arm and that everything would be alright.  That wasn’t the case at all he was shot in the head and nobody knew what to expect.  I was very scared to see Normie.  I was not sure how he was going to look or how I would feel.  I did not even want to face those feelings.  Soon enough we went in and all you saw was machine after machine hooked up to an innocent kid who brought no harm to anyone.  This wasn’t my cousin; it did not even look like him. I felt so helpless I couldn’t’ even help him.  I did not know if he was in pain or not.  Nobody could do anything except wait.  All I was thinking was Normie is going to be all right, he is going to get better then he could come home just like in the movies.  Then you hit reality and you realize that it’s not going to happen that way.  Normie was such a good looking guy with a great personality.  He caught all the girl’s eyes.  I was proud that he was my cousin.  He could make you laugh with his good sense of humor.  I could tell Normie anything, he was always there for me.  He had a good ear and he would try to give me the best advice he could.  He may of called me “Sooey” all the time but I knew he cared.  Normie is always in our hearts and our minds each and everyday.  There are so many things that I wanted to tell Normie before he died, but I never got the chance to.  A lot of other people didn’t either.  I always loved Normie but I never said this to him.  That is the one thing I do regret ever since Normie died.  I tell the people who I love “I love you.”  Now you don’t even know what to expect.  It is actually kind of sad that we live in a world filled with hate and anger, which people have to kill one another.  This is no way to die. Everyone is supposed to live a long life, have families who have families and so on.  How are the kids growing up now going to learn right from wrong?  We see it all the time, people killing people.  The sick part is that the system we have allows this to continue where they get away with murder.  To this day I miss Normie more than life itself and it’s still hard to believe that he is gone and never coming back.  I never had somebody so close to me die before.

My friends have and I didn’t know how they felt or what I should say to comfort them or just make them smile.  To be honest I was grateful I never had that pain.  I always wondered about what I would do if I ever lost a family member or how would I react?  Then I experienced what I never wanted too.  I know Normie is looking out for all of us and one day we will all be together with one another.  He will always have a special place in my heart and non one could ever take that special place.  Anytime that I see a shooting star the first person I think of is my cousin Normie and I know he’s not far.  So Normie may be gone but he will never be forgotten.  NORMIE I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU!  LOVE YOUR COUSIN KIMMIE.

Words from Normie’s, AUNT AND UNCLE:

The phone rings in the middle of the night and you know that something is wrong.  I hear my sister Gayle crying saying that our nephew Normie has been shot.  I woke up my husband and we left for Kathy and Norm’s house.  Driving over there you try to think of why is this happening to us.  My first thought was that he couldn’t die because he was to young and good.  Something like this only happens to families that live in neighborhoods where there are gangs.  You always say things happen even in the best of area, but you don’t really believe it until it hits your own family.  I kept telling myself that no matter how bad it was Normie was going to be ok and not die.  He just couldn’t he had his whole life ahead of him.

I started to worry about my brother, sister-in-law and my parents, that the shock of it might cause a heart attack.  My husband Terry and brother-in-law Art went to pick up Mom and Dad.  When we got to Kathy’s, Gayle and Linda were there.  I cannot remember everyone that was there.  The only thing I could think about at that time was how scared I was starting to become.  Normie just wasn’t going to die because we weren’t going to let that happen.  When I went to the hospital to see Normie, I prayed that a miracle was going to happen.  I took his hand and kept saying, Normie be strong and hold on.  I really believed that he could hear me, but now I don’t know.  He looked so helpless and I kept telling myself that he was going to live that this just couldn’t happen to us.  My mom always told me that God has other plans sometimes and I really try to believe that.  I want to understand why there is so much hurt and suffering that is going on around us.

The day of the funeral brought everyone closer than they were before.  I have three children of my own. I have two boys older than Normie and a daughter the same age.  Kathy my daughter was going on vacation with her aunt on the day of the funeral.  She didn’t want to go and leave.  After crying and I know she was scared I told her she had to go because we couldn’t help Normie anymore.  There are a lot of things that go through your mind now.  How is my sister-in-law Kathy and brother Norm going to go on and Richie he needed his older brother. We left Kathy’s house after the funeral but both of my boys stayed there.  When they came home they told me they had sat and talked to Uncle Norm.  I remember them telling me how none of this makes sense and how sad Uncle Norm was.

One Christmas shortly after, my granddaughter was crying and her mom put her on my brother Norm’s lap.  I remember looking at Norm and thinking how terribly sad because he won’t have the chance to hold Normie’s children. I just wondered what he was thinking when my daughter was married she told me she was going to mention Normie in the petitions in church.  She asked if it would hurt Aunt Kathy and Uncle Norm.  I told her how much we all loved Normie and I knew he was looking down and that her Aunt and Uncle would be happy.  There are still times when I think of him.

At Kathy’s wedding Richie and Kim were up dancing and I thought how great to go to a family wedding where your nieces and nephews are old enough to go and why wasn’t Normie here, it just wasn’t fair.  I know someday that I will understand why this is all happened because God isn’t going to let any of us go on asking all these questions.  Sometimes we start to lose our faith, but in order to be strong we need to believe.  I know that two wrongs don’t make a right, but I hope the person who killed Normie will understand how it hurts everyone’s life.  At one time or another he will suffer like we did and I do believe God will see to this.  LOVE KAREN DALEY

Words from Normie’s, UNCLE MIKE: 

When I first got the phone call, I was in total shock and disbelieve. I couldn’t believe Normie was shot.  My head was filled with questions that could not be answered by the person who called me, which is my mother.  The phone call at 4:30 Sunday morning left us shaken.  My wife Joann woke me up and told me the bad news that Normie is shot and it did not look good.  I couldn’t go back to sleep, there were so many unanswered questions of who did this and where this happened.

All my mother new is he was shot while driving his car stopped at a light and a few friends were with him.  My wife and I left for my sister’s house about 5:00 a.m.  On the way all I could think was how my sister and brother-in-law were doing.  I also thought about how awful his friends were feelings, seeing their friend shot and not being able to do anything about it.  There were a lot of things going through my head.

When I got to my sisters house a lot of my questions were answered and what I heard did not make my feel any better.  It all made me feel much more anger.  What I found out was that Normie’s two friends (Dave and Ken) stories were falling apart more and more as they were being questioned by the detectives.  They were even going to leave Normie there by himself.  The story they told the detectives about three black men who shot Normie, “to me” was bullshit.  Pure out and out lies, their stories did not match each others.  Their stories were unbelievable at the beginning, given the area they told the police they were in.  After the stories were told by Dave and Ken the other detectives were sent to canvas the area where the crime had supposedly happened.  After extensively canvassing the area nothing was found in the way of the crime being committed.  Nothing the friends said added up, there wasn’t any glass anywhere it happened. No one witnessed the shooting except the people in the car.  No one in that area remembered gun shots being fired.  Given the facts that where he was supposedly shot was a very busy intersection.  It was later determined that he was shot somewhere else and brought to this location.  In all fairness to the police, at first the boy’s stories sounded believable.  The police in my opinion screwed up the case from the get go.  They ruined the physical evidence, with numerous uniformed officers disturbing the inside of the car.

There was lack of dedication to the case when it didn’t get solved within a four week time period. After getting fed-up with how the investigation was going, my sister and I started to look into the case on our own.  What we found out together made my blood boil even more.  I couldn’t sleep nights because of what happened to Normie.  So my mind and my anger had taken over. I knew what I was thinking was so wrong but I was upset because nobody was doing anything to get these kids to talk.  I got so enraged I had irrational thoughts about how I would get these boys to confess to what they did to Normie.  My thoughts were of how I wanted to grab the two of them, put them in separate rooms so they couldn’t hear or see one another.  The thoughts that were going on in my head were so irrational I couldn’t even believe I was thinking about these things, this was not like me.

The anger takes over when you can’t do anything about what happened.  Your thoughts become morbid because you have no outlet.  I was upset that I couldn’t do anything.  Then I would make him write my sister a letter telling her how and why they did this to their friend.  These dreams I had over and over and what I felt like doing, were like taking over my mind but I knew in reality I couldn’t do anything.  The anger was bottled up inside of me and there was no release and maybe that was why I was thinking about all of those horrible things I couldn’t do.  I just wanted my sister and our families to have some closure to this ordeal.  Then maybe I would get some satisfaction knowing that two less scum-bags are walking on the earth.  I see what this has done to their lives and how this has changed all of us in a way I cannot explain.  I have three children now and I do a lot with them.  I miss Normie at out family doings.  I pray one day these scum-bags will pay for what they did to Normie and our families!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE MIKE

Words from Normie’s, AUNT JOANN

What bothers me most about Normie being killed is that some person or persons are walking around everyday knowing that they killed Normie.  Even if they did or didn’t pull the trigger they are just as responsible for Normie’s death.  It is so hard to believe that Normie is no longer with us.  It is so sad that he never had the opportunity to live like the scum that took his life away.  What is even worse is that these gutless lowlifes walk this earth everyday. There not giving a second thought to what they have done to Normie or the loved ones he has left behind to live each day with such grief and sadness. I hope that the second they open their eyes and begin their daily lives as Normie will not, they see his face and every night when they close their eyes to sleep they relive the tragic night that they mortally wounded Normie.  A few short days later Normie was tragically taken from his family and friends that really loved him for the kind and thoughtful person he was. I hope that this tragedy will haunt them for the remainder of their lives here on this earth.  What breaks my heart the most is that he was never given the chance to meet his cousins, my children whom he would have loved and adored as they would have him.  He will never have the chance now to be a godfather to one of my children which would have happened had he not been taken from us at such a young age.  He was just becoming a man when these uncaring heartless punks took that away from him.  His mother will never have a chance to play with the grandchildren he would more than likely have now.  There are no words that can ever begin to describe the sadness and emptiness in all our hearts.  I loved Normie dearly and it tears at my heart each and every time I think of him.  This was a senseless and unforgiving tragedy what these so called friends did to our Normie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE  ALWAYS JOANN

Words from Normie’s Second Cousin & Daughters, Tim, Mary, Leann, Lisa

The death of Norman has affected our lives with shock and disbelief, and that it could never happen to someone so close to us.  Our family gatherings are very different now there is always that emptiness in our holidays.  It makes us very angry to think how something like this can affect our whole life.  Our kids Lisa and Leann were 7 and 9 at the time when Norman died.  They really took it hard; he was always goofing around with them.  The girls now tell friends how their cousin died and that it can happen to anyone.  We’re very aware of who our girls hand around with and where they go.  We’re more protective of them now more than ever.  Normie was a great cousin.  We MISS him very much.  TIM, MARY, LISA and LEANN MACK

Words from Normie’s Second cousin, Lorene

Normie didn’t effect my personal life as much as it did my cousins, but it did effect me on all the violence that is going on outside.  I watch my step when I go out especially at night time.  It also bother’s me that they just gave up on the case, like no one’s kid or nephew or grandchild is involved.  We all miss Normie very much and think about him, especially on his birthday and other holidays.  We also think about him on the day we heard about Normie being shot and the day they told us he passed away.  He was so young and his mother (my cousin) is doing everything to find the person or persons that did this to him.   LORENE MACK